The Asshole Explanation

It would be nice of me to explain why I chose this name for the blog, right? Well since I am such a nice guy(deep down), I will try to explain. First of all, I wanted it to be "Diary of an asshole", but it's already taken by another asshole. Also, I cannot take the credit for the names though, a friend of mine suggested them, thanks hon :*

It's pretty simple, I am an asshole. But this is where I will make excuses for myself and try to show you that I'm not as bad as you might think, I'm pretty close :)). Joking obviously. A lot of people would agree with this statement, just because I am usually brutally honest and that looks like I'm being a mean son of a ... I wasn't always completely honest about myself, but more on that later. I think I started doing this as a defense mechanism to my non-existing self-confidence and social anxiety that I always had. I didn't know and still don't know how to fix those issues, so I tried to hide them by being mean/honest and making fun of others. But I think I've gotten better in the past years at this or I'm trying, now I am still honest, but I'm making a lot of fun of myself and that's a good start. I want to be a better person, I don't wish any harm to anyone, but I also think that people should be more relaxed, less serious and just have a laugh. So my way of life is using humor every day, don't take yourself to serious and don't worry, the world doesn't revolve around you, even if you think so :))

I have to admit I was a pretty awful person a few years back. I was really mean and acting like a hater a lot. I always scared new people away, only the ones who had patience with me got to know the real(almost) me. Everybody used to describe me as "the hater" or "the mean one". I am not proud of this, but this is my story and I am who I am today because of it. Over the years, I met a lot of people and some of them inspired me to change this shitty behavior. But thanks to some awesome best friends, they know who they are, I managed to retire from being an asshole full-time. I bottled up so much hatred in myself which I thought it was towards other people when deep down actually was towards myself. Thanks to some nice alcohol, I managed to do the hardest and at the same time the best thing in my life, come out as gay to my best friends. I will tell you more about this later with a ton of details. This was an important moment, I finally started to feel free and myself, I didn't have to hide this anymore, well at least from some people, and that helped me become more accepting, loving and kind. As cheesy as it may sounds, it's true.

Don't worry I am still an asshole, but I like to think that I'm the good kind. The kind that makes fun of everything, without being hurtful or mean. The kind that can say the things that everybody thinks but they are too afraid to say it, because some may judge them. And that's why on this blog, that nobody reads anyway, I'm the asshole #1 who can do all these things. I'm still struggling with the fear of what others think of myself in my life, but here is my "f**k them" space, pardon my French, where I can be whoever or whatever I want to be.

PS: If you read this, I love you obviously :* Don't forget that everything looks better after you had a laugh about it. (look at me giving advice and shit #feelingmyself)